Can the author actually write?

I can write!

When an author doesn’t know what to write!

As a brand new author, I have spent the past twelve months, well, writing!

How bizarre then that now I come to write my very first blog post, I have no idea what to write and feel a little vulnerable putting this ‘out there!’

Perhaps I have run out of words, perhaps my vulnerability is maxed out, or perhaps my procrastination skills have sharpened up over the previous year’s work!

Anyway, here I am writing again! It feels a little déjà vu like and a little clumsy. I am however also, weirdly, glad to be sat at my laptop writing again. Maybe, this writing malarkey offers me some sense of comfort due to the familiarity of being at the mercy of my laptop whilst wracking my brains about what to actually write!

What to talk about in the sub sections?

Well there poses a question? It reminds me of how it felt to find titles for my chapters, a whole ten of them! Ironically, it feels much more difficult to think of a single catchy, relevant, sub-title than it did to come up with ten chapter titles.

I suppose the pressure is on, I want this blog to be, well worth the read, eye-catching, thought provoking with a little humour thrown in for good measure. I suppose, I perhaps don’t feel quite up for the job. I suppose, as an author, my own expectation, which I then project ‘out there’ onto others is, this better be bloody good; after all, you have written a book so you have to meet the ‘hidden’ mantle of expectancy to give the right impression! Such an internal demand I am placing on myself here.

Procrastination overload

Is there any wonder really, why it has taken me more than three months to dare to write this first blog with this level of obligation and intensity to get it so ‘right?’ I mean, blimey, come on girl, give yourself a break and ease off! Yes, you’ve written a book, but it is still your first blog and at least it’s being written – right?! Is this just me? I don’t for one minute believe it is. Is there any wonder, really, that we may be put off what we could actually get on and do, when the belief is, all boxes have to be ticked in order to create something worth putting out there!

The straightjacket syndrome

This is where my own edge of perfectionism brings me down. The inner wrangling of not quite being good enough, or in fact any of what I do, somewhat shy of meeting the mark! Welcome to the straightjacket that is perfectionism. Another word for this, central to the entity that is perfectionism – shame! This is a subject I could talk about all day long, and will be seen ‘a lot’ in future blogs! Yes – there will be more!

The fear of feeling such a painful emotion is enough to stop us in our tracks, re-route and talk us into believing, perhaps this is not such a good idea.

Wrong!! It is a good idea - putting something ‘out there.’ In our humanness, most times, it will have us feeling vulnerable, but it doesn’t mean we shouldn’t do our thing, or that it isn’t worth the paper it is written on, so to speak.

It takes courage, to take the risk, of being seen, and you never know, it just may resonate with and help someone else. We deny someone that opportunity if we don’t ‘just do it!’

Perfectly Imperfect

It is never going to be perfect and neither does it need to be. To be honest, what does that mean anyway? Each and every person that reads what is written will have a different perspective, alternative viewpoints and opinions formed from their own belief systems; meaning, if we wrestled with our writing, adding spit and polish and refined it to its nth degree, someone, somewhere, would have a different take on it. Which, is ok!

Be your wonderful slightly imperfect self and reach out to those slightly imperfect others. That’s where the connections for great relationships begin.

Love Maddie xx